The Mission
by ReinikSociety
Summary: I only wanted to take him to my crib and get some hanky-panky. I never wanted it to end like it did... Deadpool and Spiderman. Not a slash pairing. WARNING! Adult Content! (May Contain: Violence, Language, Sexual Content, etc.) Read At Your Own Risk.


Author's Note: Hey, guys! This FF was made in collaboration with IsaacClarkeX. (Here's the link to her profile: u/4763360/IsaacClarkeX). So anyway, this was supposed to be all humor, but IsaacClarkeX and I decided to shift it into angst towards the end. That being said, we do plan to make an alternate ending containing all humor. So, there's that. Please R&R and enjoy!

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"Nick has sent Spiderman - the greatest most bestest hero on Earth - on a mission to find a massively super-secret Hydra agent (It's Bob) who has important and private intel on S.H.I.E.L.D. With a little persuasion (and the promise of a free chimichanga at Mexco's One-Stop-Shop For Mexican Take-Out), I was able to convince him to let me tag along. Of course, not without sacrifice - I don't get no ka-ching. But that's okay. I'm getting something worth more than money. But I'm not telling what it is (If you wanna know what it is, just check my Facebook status). The longer Spiderman doesn't know, the better. Mwahahahaha!"

"What are you prattling on about? We already know all this! And who are you summarizing to?"

"I'm talking to the readers. We're tight. You don't know them."

"Whatever. Can we just focus on the mission, please?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely..."

"Focus, screwball. In the beginning of the report, Director Fury explained to us that the Hydra base is located on the outskirts of New York, in an underwater facility. I think the best way to approach, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

**This is getting really boring.**

_**I can't stand it anymore! Shoot us, shoot us now!**_

_Hold on! Just let me get the gun out!_

I get my gun out and shoot myself in the head. Minutes later, I start to regenerate. I hear Spidey next to me.

"Oh, Wade~! You're not hurt, are you?3"

"No, Baby, I'm not hurt, because you're here, and you sooth all wounds..."

"You're such a smooth-talker, Wade! Heeheehee!~3"

"I'm not only a smooth-talker, Sweetie, I'm also a great love-maker..."

"Oooh, Wade~ Wade! Wade! WADE! Wake up!"

I open my eyes to see Spidey kneeling beside me.

"What the hell's wrong with you? You can't listen to me for two seconds without doing something stupid, can you? Anyway, like I was saying-"

"Never mind that. I was thinking real hard while I was out."

He sighs, and I get up.

"About what? Or do I want to know?"

"Oh, you do."

"Well, spit it out already."

"I was thinking maybe we could go back to my crib and chill. Maybe eat some of that frozen pizza I've been saving for this very occasion."

"What? Don't be stupid. We're on a mission! Or did shooting yourself make you forget that?"

"No, I remembered. But I'd rather go home with you."

"Yeah, that's never going to happen."

"You know what? Scratch that. Let's just hug."

"No. I'm not going to hug you."

"You gotta. I'm not gonna move unless you do."

"Why?"

"I'm lonely! I want a hug."

He sighs, again.

"Fine. If that's what'll make you cooperate."

He moves closer and wraps his arms around me. I quickly stick a tranq dart into his neck before he has time to react.

"Didn't see _that_ one coming, did ya, Spidey-sense?"

"What did you...?"

"Shh, shh... It'll all be over soon..."

He blacks out, and his body goes limp against me.

**What are you doing?**

_Yeah, what are you planning?_

"What? You guys didn't check my Facebook status? You guys suck! Well, just like everyone else who didn't check my status, you're gonna have to just wait and see."

At my apartment

"Oh, man, my head..."

"Oh, you're awake!"

"Wade? How did I get here?"

"Well, I carried you half way, then I had to drag you the rest of the way."

"What? Where are we?"

"We're at my place. Do you like it?"

I watch him look around in disgust, then look down at himself.

"Is this my webbing?"

"Yeah. I borrowed a little. Hope you don't mind."

I throw the empty can across the room.

"You finished the whole thing, you idiot! How am I supposed to get more on such short notice? And my communicator! It's broken! How are we going to contact Fury now?"

"Calm down, Spidey. It's just us now. You, me, some beer and pizza, and then comes the best part."

"The best part?"

"The _sex_..."

"The _what?_"

"You know what? Let's skip the beer and pizza."

"I don't want to have sex with you!"

"Why? You seemed so eager before. Is it the face?"

I take off my mask. He flinches in disgust, then I put it back on.

"It is, isn't it?!"

"What are you talking about? I never wanted to have sex with you! Get me out of this chair, damn it!"

"Sorry, can't do that."

I kick the chair, knocking him off of it and onto the floor. I get down on my knees in front of him, rolling him over onto his stomach. I grab him by the waist, pulling his behind against me. I place my hands on his hips, and slide one down his thigh.

"Don't do this, Wade... I'm sorry about what I did before. I-I didn't mean to flinch."

"No, it's true. I am fucking ugly... But you aren't. And that's why we're gonna fuck, and you're gonna like it, Spidey."

"Don't do things in the heat of the moment! You're going to regret it. So just untie me, and we can forget this ever happened. Okay?"

"I've been thinking of this for a while. That's why I wanted to go on this mission. So I could see you - my favorite superhero ever!"

"If you think I'm so great, then why are you trying to rape me?"

"Well, it wasn't supposed to be rape, you were supposed to want it. But then you saw my face, and things changed."

"This has nothing to do with your face! What made you think I would ever have sex with you anyway?"

I look down and see him fiddling with his communicator, trying to fix it. I snatch the com from his hand and throw it across the room.

"Not so fast, Spidey. Don't want you talking to other men on our _first date!_ Rude, don't you think?!"

"Damn it!"

I forcefully pull down his pants, then unbuckle my belt and pull down my own.

**I can't believe we're doing this.**

_**I can't look!**_

I slam my hand against my head.

"Shut up!"

I roughly slam myself into him, gripping his hips tightly. I watch his mask contort into pain as he screams, the noise breaking the silence in the room. I quickly pound in and out of him, his blood lubricating each thrust. He continues to scream, so I slap him against the head.

"Stop screaming, damn it!"

In anger, I thrust into him even harder. He stops screaming, and I can see him tighten his jaw through his mask. I quicken my pace, nearing orgasm. I finish inside of him with a grunt, riding out the orgasm. I slide out of him, pulling my pants up and buckling my belt. I get up, panting, and crouch down in front of his face.

"That was fun. I should invite you over more often."

I hear quiet sobbing coming from him. I furrow my brows.

"Lighten up. It wasn't that bad. Now let's see who's under that mask..."

I take off his mask.

"...You're just a kid."

I see tears streaming down his face. I quickly get up and turn away from him, then turn back around.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me you were a fucking _kid?!_"

I take out one of my katanas and crouch down, slicing the webbing from him.

"Get out of here."

He hesitates.

"Just get the fuck out of here!"

He quickly pulls his pants up, grabbing the com and running out the door, slightly stumbling.

**You really did it this time, Wade.**

"I know."

_**He was just a kid...**_

"I know!"

**And you raped him. **

_**Raped a kid.**_

"Shut the fuck up! How was I supposed to know he was just a kid?!"

**How could you not know, with his immature voice and-**

"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up! Shut the fucking hell up!"

I swiftly take out my dagger and shove it into my brain. I keep stabbing it in and out, just like I did to him. I fall to my knees, falling sideways onto my side. The blood trails down the side of my face, soaking the mask and getting into my eyes.

I see nothing but red.

**THE END**


End file.
